cat palmer photography

A Salt Lake City based photographer and her views on life, religion, art and sex.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Ideal Body

My lover sent this to me recently after I used the term "ideal body". What is an ideal body? An ideal body is you.

You talk of “ideal” as if it is something other than you. As if I don't remember how perfectly your lips feel on mine. As if the thought of the way your nipples tighten and your breath catches when I lick your breasts isn't ideal. As if every part of me doesn't revel at the thought of your warm skin and soft hands touching me. You say ideal body as if it is not yours. You speak of it as if it is out there and not right here holding me so close I can't tell where I end and you start. The idea conveyed is dissatisfaction but the reality is that your body satisfies both of us time and time and time again. The cresting orgasms that transport you to another universe. . .that take you to another place in time. . . . the pleasure that encompasses your entire body from bottom to top and side to side, moving you to tears and driving you to distraction, starts in your divine body. Perhaps you wish for something different . . to be something different. No part of me needs you to be anything other than what you are right now. If asked could you tell me the part that you love the most about your body? 
I can. The part I love the most about your body is that you are in it.

-- written by chris forbes

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Sunday, November 8, 2015

no means no.

rape culture.

    "In feminist theory, rape culture is a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality."
    this is something i am adamant on teaching my boys right now at this young age: no means no. we respect other people's boundaries, especially when they are communicating it so clearly to us. 
    here are some problems i have run into in the dating world.....
    sometimes i am not interested in dating or spending time with others....for no other reason other than i do not want to. it is not because i do not find the person attractive. it is not because i am seeing someone else. it is not because i have not enjoyed my time with that person for the one time we went out.....i just do not want to. 
    men pursuing women, listen up! when a woman says she is not in a space to date, fucking listen to her. when a woman says she is not interested, she is not interested. 
    stop trying to wear me down to go out with you...
    why is it i have dealt with so many men that do not listen to me? they only respect my wishes if another man is involved. they have MORE RESPECT for another man (they have never met) than they do my own desires. this has happened time and time again. it is happening to me now. 
    i am tired. 
    i can feel it when you do not want to know me. i can feel it when you do not want to peer into my amazing soul. i can feel it when you only want to fuck me. i can feel it when i am nothing more than a full set of lips, nice breasts and beautiful pussy to you.  i can feel it and i want no part in it. 
    long ago i made a decision to only let those in that can see my light and to only get close with those that want it to shine brighter. i have been with too many people that have wanted to dull, change or steal my light. my light is sacred to me. 
    also, just because we have had sex once and just because i love sex, does not mean i am here to have sex with you always on demand. 
    i recall a fella i was casually seeing. i had worked a long day of shooting and also had seen my kids that day. it was super late and i was exhausted. i wanted a shower, to wash my clothes and sleep. i communicated this all to him prior to me arriving. after my glorious shower, i was so excited to curl up by him and sleep. my body and mind were beyond exhausted. he came at me, kissing me and playing with my breasts. i communicated again and even fucking apologized that i was simply beyond exhausted. he kept kissing me and pushing. this went on and on to the point i was beyond annoyed. had i not taken my sleeping pill, i would have simply left. had it not been past midnight, i would have called a friend to come pick me up. i was tired and i wanted him to stop. finally i say to him, "fine. grab a condom so we can get this over with...i am tired and just want to be done." he had a choice and i decided in that moment, had he chosen to get up and get that condom, i would leave in the morning and he would never see me again. 
    we never saw each other again. 
    and while he has since apologized profusely and i do believe he is a great guy caught up in rape culture....this behavior is not uncommon. STOP WEARING DOWN US WOMEN for your benefit. 
    this book i recently read was fantastic and i think everyone needs to read it: the way of the superior man by david dieda. it is a spiritual guide to mastering the challenges of women, work and sexual drive. 
    please note that i know not all men are like this. i have had amazing lovers and (wo)men in my life that have respected me, wanted to know me and have treated me wonderfully. i do not appreciate blanket statements that say "men are like this" or "women are like this". i have just encountered this type of behavior far too often. 
    find a woman that sees your light. find a woman that wants to be with you. find a woman that wants you inside every part of her. trust me, it is much better than just wearing down a woman to fuck her. 

Saturday, November 7, 2015

i am not a hairless cat.

"she is too pretty to have armpit hair." -- morning zoo 97.1 morning hosts (speaking about my armpits)

let's talk about body hair on women for a moment.....

i find the social trends of hair, on women, interesting. we went from being ok with body hair to striving to look like 10-year-old girls. i truly believe that there is NOTHING wrong with looking however you are most comfortable and happy with....but, are you doing it for you or are you doing it for someone else to find you desirable?

i once had a guy tell me, "i shaved my balls for you." god, why would i care if you shaved your balls?  i told him to please never do anything like that for me again....i told him, if he was doing it for him to please continue, if it made him happy....i personally did not care.

in my teen years, i had leg hair. my friend, ethan, nicknamed me "chewy". i have always gone back and forth of growing out my armpit hair and shaving it. yes, i am THAT hippy girl. i do not use chemical deodorant on these hairy pits. after my morning shower, i put coconut oil on my wet pits, then rock crystal deodorant and then a few drops of lavender oil. i was scared to make the switch. i inherited my deceased grandmother's stinky pits. i have a sensitive nose and do not like to smell foul. it has been 5 years since i made the switch and while i sometimes have off days, 99% of time i smell great!
one august morning, a fox 13 news anchor text me and a couple of followers posted to my facebook timeline. apparently a local radio show (i had never heard of) called "the morning zoo" was on my facebook page and they were discussing my hairy armpits, live on air.

they obviously knew how to reach me and instead of reaching out and asking me their questions, they proceeded to speculate my answers. it was three morning show hosts with the same opinion.....women should NOT have any undesirable body hair. they made comments like, "if she wants to date, she should shave." "men taking her out, research the restaurant first and take her somewhere with good air conditioning so that way she has to wear a sweater." and my personal favorite: "she is too pretty to have armpit hair." yeah, fuck them. it was boring to hear three of the same opinions. they then opened it up to the listening audience to text in their views on the topic.....sigh.

here is what i would have told them had they taken the time to ask me....

1. i have no troubles dating. i date amazingly beautiful people who have no qualms with my body hair. they are not hippies and they are often brilliant business-savvy folks.

2. just because i have a pretty face does not mean i need to fit into your box of what you consider "beautiful". my pretty face is the least interesting thing about me.

3. the reason i do not shave at the moment....i simply don't care to. i have sons i am raising and i want them to have a healthy view of females. women have body hair and it is ok. some women remove their body hair and that is ok too. we are NOT 10-year-old hairless wonders of the world.

the most frequently asked question.....ahem, what about your VAGINA????

i was on a podcast with paul duane, this summer, and he asked me the question folks are dying to know....

here's the deal...i am big on NOT smelling bad in any capacity. my lovers are NOT making out with my armpits....though they have been known to kiss them. i like to keep my lady parts trimmed down very short. it is my personal preference and i do it for me, no one else.

recently a dear friend suggested i shave the pits due to a pretty sleeveless dress i was going to wear to an event. i thought about this and truly considered it. i had mentioned it to my date for the evening. he could not think of a reason i should shave them and i loved his response. i opted to stay true to what i wanted to do.

while i do not have trouble finding people to date me or love me.....i do gross out a fair amount of folks (both men and women). sometimes they tell me to my face, other times they express disgust on my social media and some folks simply like to tease me. luckily i feel good about myself and they make me giggle.

i define my own definition of beauty. having hair under my arms does not make me any less beautiful.  having hair on my head does not make me any more beautiful. i am an amazing, magical physical appearance does not define me. my choice of body hair does NOT define MY beauty.

think about it.....there have been people you have met that perhaps you were not physically attracted to them right away. you got to know the person and they soon became one of the most beautiful people to you. there also have been physically "gorgeous" people you have known that you instantly thought were attractive. you got to know them and discovered their personality was not up to par and you were no longer attracted to them.

if you met the person of your dreams and they did not meet every one of your physical preferences, would you still want to know them? date them? make love to them? or would you be so disgusted you would walk the other way unable to open your heart to them?

i am not a hairless cat. i am me. i am beautiful.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

So, I guess I am going to hell......

"Wow. I am sorry too. I'm sorry Cat, you have lost your way. I'm sorry you cling desperately to the lies of the world and wrap the natural man around you as a shield. I'm sorry you are disillusioned with a self love that is truly one of selfishness and immorality. "Do what you want if it makes you happy" is the wide road that will lead you to hell." -- Janica R. 

So, here's the deal. I get told A LOT....I mean A LOT that I am going to hell, that I have lost my way, that I never had a true testimony of the LDS church, that I am angry, that I am a whore or slut, that I make Jesus sad.....sigh..... 

Here is who I am: I am happy. 

I am INCREDIBLY happy. 

Kerry Jackson, of X96 & Geek Show,  recently told me that I am the only person that has responded with, "I'm happy" when asked how I am. Anyone that knows me can feel my amazing energy when around me. I have balance and peace in my world. I work hard in my community bringing awareness to women's issues. I volunteer my time for a variety of organizations I believe in. I mentor kids in art. I mentor women wanting to grow their business or who they are as a person. I am not saying these things to brag....I want to say, I do nice shit not because I think I am trying to get into heaven....I do nice shit because I am a decent human being. I also know who I am, where I am going and I am driven. 

I actually do not care if there is a heaven or hell. I do not care about god, if there is one. If heaven actually exists and all those hateful Christians are going there, why the fuck would I want to be there???? I have had these Christians tell me, "well, enjoy hanging out with Hitler." Um, yes....yes, I would actually much rather hang with Hitler than you. I am a history buff. I FUCKING LOVE HISTORY.  I have read almost every book on Hitler. I had family in the Holocaust. I would love to sit down with him and ask him questions. So, BRING ON HELL. 

The thing is...if god and jesus exist, guess what??? THEY LOVE ME. They love my rowdy ways and my feminist lifestyle. They love my loud mouth. They fucking love what I am doing to empower people. They love what a good mother I am. They love my kind heart. They love that I say "fuck" A LOT. They love that I enjoy sex with my lovers. They love my tattoos. They love that I masturbate and honor myself. Jesus has a great sense of humor.....if he is real. If jesus is real...those asshole so-called Christians make him cry, not me. I am not doing hateful shit in his name. 

Now, do not get me wrong....there are great people and asshole people everywhere you turn. I know amazing Mormons (my grandmother is one of them). I know amazing Christians....true ones (they are like rare). But, those folks send me love. They read my blog posts and love me anyways. Over the years they see my shaved head, piercings or pink hair and show me love. They do not give a fuck that I drink coffee. They do not give a fuck that I have had sex with women.....because guess what? They actually follow jesus. They know jesus died for their sins and he is the only one to judge come judgement day. (I also know the scriptures incredibly work of fiction out there.) 

So here is the paradox with me....I am super fucking nice and a huge asshole. Not one of my exes will say anything bad about me because guess what, I am nice. I will help anyone. I am a giver....and I know I am judgmental. I am self aware enough to know not to say, "I am open minded and not judgmental at all." But, my "fuck you" and "fuck offs" are usually coming from a place of giddiness because people make me laugh. Unless I am on a dating site....then it comes from disgust. 

Also, make note....I market the hell out of what I do. I create dialogue to drive people to my page. I am honest and I do not apologize for being real. If everyone loved what I was doing or if no one was talking, I would be doing something wrong. I thrive on ruffling feathers. I love to get people to talk. So, if you are reading this and you are upset, please please come tell me all about it.....and be ready for my response. 

see some of you in hell, hopefully.......

Things I have been told today.....this is not all of it, just what I could find in a few short minutes:

"Being a mother: "You are so much more than that" really? Since when did being a mother become something less than whatever it is you are? Another disgruntled, go-with-the-wind, can't-decide-what-to-do-with-my-life, it's everyone else s fault, apologetic, exmo." -- Jason S. 

"For anyone reading who is wavering, I'd urge you not to follow this woman's advice. I'm sure she has a lot of love in her heart. Nevertheless Her words are false and extremely dangerous. There is a God. Our choices so have consequences. He does not condone living any way we desire. We choose whether we list to obey telestial, terrestrial, or celestial law. We choose whether we repent and escape or not repent and suffer for our wrongs. I haven't responded to many posts like this lately because it is often futile, but the false testimony of an apostate is the most dangerous of all. And that does not mean I do not have a brotherly I've for her as a fellow human." -- Mark C. 

"Will you render this same speech with such enthusiasm at the feet of your savior, no matter what religion you are ....

Without any anger or spite, in all humility ask yourself, will you stand before Jesus Christ and proudly proclaim this was your legacy...." -- Nancy N. 

"Well, good luck to you Catherine. Empower away. I'll enjoy the church and know true happiness. Peace" -- Tammie W.

"I'm lds, I read this. I'd be ashamed if my daughter was taught by you now days far more then what you were teaching them back then. If you don't agree with the principles of the church, don't be a part of it. Simply do something else. You don't need to write a post, take a picture, prove a point, just simply don't practice it if you don't like it. Basically be a slut is what I got from your post. GREAT read!!!"  & "did you read the article? Haha. Get a hold of your self. It wasn't un Christ like. I actually agreed with what Christ says. She was telling people to do opposite of what he says. Interesting... I don't want my daughters having AIDS. Do you? When your having sex with whoever you want whenever you want, AIDS is surely in your future. You can't ignore a zit. Just like you can't ignore the truth. No need to feel bad for the women in my life. She's got a great life!" -- Samuel J. 

"The wide road to hell is not a judgement by me. My remarks are simply the lessons I have learned myself from walking the path that you choose to walk now. Wickedness never was happiness. If you are still a Christian and believe in Christ, than you must also believe the scriptures. They teach the principles and values of the life one deserves to live. In the scriptures Christ teaches by example. If you love him, and believe in him you would emulate him in the life you choose to live, the words you speak and write, and the principles you choose to follow. You would keep his commandments." -- Janica R.

"You never had a true testimony. I feel sad for you more than anything." -- Annette C. 

"I believe if you don't think sex is special nothing is. I think sex is meant to be celebrated in matrimony. I don't want to be preachy but some things need to be kept special." -- Jonathan H. 

"I feel very sad to hear you ranting about this. Just doing what you feel like can't save you. There is a God and His way is the way of happiness. Don't fool yourself listening to this person who has become confused in her life." -- Jill H. 
frown emotic

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

To my former Young Women, I was wrong and I apologize.

I was once a Mormon. I was married in the Los Angeles Temple. I attended the temple monthly. I served in the Young Women's (girls ages 12-18) teaching and in the presidency for 10 years. I loved my Young Women. I served in California and Utah. I went to summer girls camp with them every year. I taught them on Sundays. I planned activities on Wednesdays. My life revolved around them.

I want to say to them: I am sorry.

You are all now adults and this is what I want to say:

I am sorry for teaching you that you needed to cover up so the young men did not have impure thoughts about you. That is called 'rape culture' and I was breeding it. Wear what you want. Wear what you feel good in. Wear what makes you feel sexy. DO NOT dress for others....dress for you. If covering up empowers you, do it. If wearing nothing empowers you, do it. You are the goddess of your body and no one has say over it. The naked body is beautiful and I am sorry for teaching you otherwise. Breast feed uncovered in public, if you so desire! Enjoy fine art nudes! Enjoy your lover's bodies! Bodies are beautiful. Do not feel the need to cover up if you do not want to. People express themselves differently and that is ok.

I am sorry for teaching you that a proper family is one that is a man and woman having kids. Love is love. If you believe in god, I will quote my grandmother here: god does not make mistakes. People are born gay and they are attracted to who they are attracted to. It is not a choice. Every adult should have the choice to marry whomever they desire. A family is made up of anyone and where love exists. Homosexuality is not a sin. LOVE IS LOVE.

While we are talking about kids.....I am sorry for teaching you that a woman's place is to be a mother and a wife. You are so much more than that. Yes, love your children. Raise them to be good humans (which you certainly do not need religion for this).  But, finding a spouse and starting a family immediately is not what you have to do at such a young age. Wait to marry. Wait to have children....there is no rush. You change so much in your 20's. Find yourself. Travel. Educate yourself (whether through formal ways or informal ways). If you choose to never marry, that is ok too. If you choose not to have kids, that is ok....this world is over populated as is. I told you that your ultimate goal should be to find a man and be sealed in the temple....I am sorry, it is simply not true. Certainly follow your heart when the time is right....whether it be with a man or woman. Being sealed doesn't matter. Be married where all of your loved ones can be there to celebrate you....or don't get married....or do it truly does not matter as long as you are in alignment with you.

I am sorry for telling you to wait to have sex until marriage. Sex is so important on so many levels. Some people are simply incompatible and it is best to find that out prior to such a commitment. (Oh and masturbation is great! It is healthy for you!) Be safe, make good choices, get tested.....but for god's sake: have sex.

I am a survivor of rape. When you survive such things, you are not tarnished or a chewed up piece of gum. It is not your fault. You are beautiful. I am sorry if you ever heard otherwise. I am sorry for never addressing this issue.

I am sorry for encouraging the word of wisdom and teaching you to treat your body like a temple.....yes....your body is a temple....but tattoos are ok! Coffee is ok! Alcohol (in moderation and used responsibly) is not evil! The stuff I wish I had taught you is that soda and fast food are evil! Processed foods are way more dangerous for you than coffee ever will be. Look however you want (though I believe I set that example as your hippy-punk-artist leader)!  Be wise, educate yourself, care for your soul.....and eat & drink whatever the fuck you want.

I am sorry for teaching you to not watch certain movies, to not listen to certain music and to stay away from the evils of the world. The world is magical. Art in all forms is magical. Immerse yourself in all cultures and all forms of art. Read any book you desire.  If it speaks to you hold it close. If it does not speak to you, move on.

There is no such thing as one true religion and I am sorry for promoting such falsehoods. Being kind to one another and being in alignment with your self is all that really matters. Religion is not needed for these things. Be open minded and love others.

One of the main reasons I do not regret being Mormon is because I was able to know you Young Women. Serving and helping you in your teen years meant the world to me. I am thankful for each and every one of you that have found me in the last few years. And whether you are still Mormon or have since left the church, know that I will always love you.


XOXO Love, Sister Palmer

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Rules I live by (updated).....

1. I apologize only when I am actually sorry. STOP apologizing for shit you are not actually sorry for.  
2. Treat everyone you encounter with kindness and leave them better than you found them. (unless you are meeting them from a dating site.....if they are a misogynistic asshole, I give myself full permission to tell them to fuck off and not feel guilty.)
3. There's only one me, I am it. BE MYSELF, BE AUTHENTIC & LOVE MYSELF. 
4. Orgasm regularly - it is good for my health!
5. Do random acts of kindness whenever possible.
7. Forgive easily, but move on from unhealthy people.
8. Compliment people, sincerely.
9. Cherish every moment. It is all a blessing.
10. Say no, only when I need to. Start saying YES! I say YES to myself and my CHILDREN as much as I can!
11. One day you will forget. Write & Capture!
12. Be cautious of anyone that lists "The Notebook" as their favorite movie of all time.
13. If you never speak up or ask, the answer will always be no. When you like someone, tell them.
14. Surround yourself only with those that can see your light. Get close with those that want that light to burn brighter.
15. Find a way to make a difference in you community. GET INVOLVED. 
16. Worrying is silly. As long as I am living within alignment with myself, it will work out the way it is suppose to.
17. Be unexpected. Cherish those awkward moments......they make me feel alive!
18. Say "why not?" and "fuck it!" more often.
19. Adventure! MORE ADVENTURE!
20. Assume the best in people, never the worst. (also, don't put tones on text messages)
21. BE SILLY! Who cares what others think......
22. When children are involved, do everything you can to get a long with your ex. Be nice, even when they are not. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Leave anger behind and move forward.
23. Write letters and send cards in snail mail, every week. Do not let the art of letter writing die.
24. Trust myself. Listen to myself. That gut feeling is real and important.
25. Find the silver lining. It is is all a learning experience. These things have brought me where I am today. They have brought me to the people I know and love.
26. Accept and love people for who they are - not the title or box you have placed them in. Who cares that it is your "exes" new girlfriend? Is she nice? Is she good to him? Is she good with my kids? That's all that matters.
27. People believe different things and that is ok. People grieve differently and that is ok. People celebrate differently and that is ok. People eat different food and that is ok. People have sex differently and that is ok.
28. People cannot read my mind. Do not get upset that people cannot read my mind. SPEAK UP and TALK!
29. People will either meet me at the bridge or they won't. Keep moving, they will either catch up or chose a different path.
30. Do things that make me uncomfortable.
31. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep trying.
32. Meet new people, everywhere. CONNECT.
33. No body shaming or sex shaming. See beauty where others cannot find it.
34. Be a duck. QUACK! Let the hurtful comments roll off your back like water.
35. People will either like you or they won' truly doesn't matter either way. BE YOU. 
36. Stop being so your mind more to music, movies and other forms of art. Just because it is mainstream does not mean it sucks. 
37. Sit in quietness. There is so much noise everywhere.....shhhhhhhhhh. 
38. MASTURDATE regularly. Whether I am in a relationship or not, go out solo and enjoy myself. 
39. Tell people I love them and do it often. 
40. Ruffle is good for people and it is good for me....push that artistic envelope (out of love). 
41.  ART! MORE ART! Surround myself with as much art as possible (music, food, fine art, movies, theater....)
43. Celebrate people! Celebrate mykids! Celebrate ME. 
44. When someone pays me a compliment simply say thank you. Do not make up excuses about why it is not true. 
45. Wherever I live, find the beauty in it. Find the positive.
46. The universe hears me. Be careful with my words. Speak positively. Be grateful.
47. SUPPORT LOCAL!!! Pay more because it is local or made in the USA. Seek out local restaurants. Avoid chains. Avoid buying things made in China. 
48. EAT REAL FOOD. Real ingredients...treat my body well. 
49. Take time for me. It is hard....I am busy....but, please take time.
50. If it is not a FUCK YES, then it is a FUCK NO. 
52. Drop what you are doing if your children say they want to snuggle....everything else can wait. 
53. Do NOT put my children in a box. Color has no gender (pink is not a girl's color). Toys have no gender (boys play with dolls). Let my children be magical and be themselves. Teach them kindness and let them bloom.
54. Avoid television and other soul sucking activities. If it does not feed my soul, keep it away. 
55. Learn the rules, so you can break them.